Love, life and money: why the conversation matters

If starting a conversation about money with your partner fills you with dread, try approaching it from a different angle. Think of it in terms of what matters to you and what matters to them.

You might also bear in mind each other’s attitudes to money. Your partner might be more cautious around money and prioritise financial security, perhaps shaped by earlier experiences of uncertainty. You might be more of a spendthrift and see money as a way to create freedom, enjoy experiences or be generous. Neither approach is right or wrong, they’re just different.

The problems tend to arise when those differences stay hidden. Avoiding the subject could create unspoken expectations around spending, saving, fairness and responsibility. Over time, these can quietly turn into frustration, particularly when bigger financial decisions come into play.

Buying a home. Changing careers. Starting or supporting a family. Thinking about retirement. These moments all carry financial weight, and they feel far easier to work through together when expectations are already out in the open.

At its heart, these conversations aren’t really about money at all. They’re about the life you want to build together, and how your finances can support that rather than dictate it.

Financial attitudes are shaped long before adulthood. Family habits, cultural norms and personal experiences all leave their mark, meaning people often arrive in relationships with very different assumptions about spending, saving and security.

At the same time, many people still feel uncomfortable talking about money at all. Research from the Money and Pensions Service shows that only around four in ten UK adults feel comfortable discussing money with friends. When it’s difficult to talk about finances more generally, it’s easy to see why these conversations can feel even harder to raise within a relationship.

This combination helps explain why money disagreements are rarely about numbers. They’re more often about feelings, priorities and what security means to each person.

Talking openly allows couples to explore those differences more calmly. It creates space to ask what feeling financially safe looks like for each of you, how you view debt and long-term commitments, and how independence fits alongside shared goals.

These conversations don’t have to be heavy or formal. Often, they’re simply about listening, understanding where the other person is coming from, and recognising that difference doesn’t have to mean disagreement.

For many couples, money only really comes into focus when something changes.

A career move. Redundancy. An inheritance. Health concerns. Moments like these bring financial choices to the surface, sometimes before there’s been time to talk them through properly.

Research by Legal & General shows that financial planning conversations don’t always come naturally: in a recent survey, one in five couples said they often argue about money, while around 17% admitted they avoid the topic altogether. It’s a reminder of how common it is for money to remain unspoken until it can no longer be ignored.

For couples who’ve been together for years, talking about money often feels easier than it once did. You’ve shared experiences, built trust and already made plenty of financial decisions together. But as life moves on, priorities shift, and those conversations need to evolve.

Plans made years ago might no longer suit your current life. Circumstances change, and what once felt important might be far less so now.

This can be particularly important when families blend, retirement timelines don’t quite align, one partner brings significantly more assets into the relationship, or health and caring responsibilities alter the balance between you.

At times like these, the conversation isn’t about going back over old ground. It’s about recognising where you are now and deciding, together, how you want to move forward.

Some people worry that talking too openly about money introduces doubt into a relationship – that it feels pessimistic, or even disloyal, particularly in the early days.

In practice, transparency tends to do the opposite.

Where finances are unclear or left unspoken, disagreements over assets, income and expectations can become harder to resolve and more stressful than they need to be. By contrast, couples who talk openly about money tend to make decisions that feel fairer, approach change more calmly, and manage times of uncertainty with less conflict.

This isn’t about planning for the worst. It’s about giving yourselves the best possible footing, whatever the future holds.

What feels important early on in a relationship can, and should, change as life unfolds. That’s why, at Amber River, we talk about financial planning as Life Landscaping – shaping your finances around the life you’re living now, and the future you want to create. Adjusting plans over the long term to keep you on track.

For many couples, money conversations also need to account for imbalance. One partner may earn significantly more than the other. An age gap might mean one person is still working while the other has more freedom. These differences can create tension, but they don’t have to. What matters most is talking openly and honestly as your lives and expectations evolve – from who pays for what, to how responsibilities are shared, to what may need to change over time.

Life Landscaping isn’t about mapping out every detail from day one. It’s about understanding the life you live and share today, and the life you want tomorrow, and making sure your financial situation can support both.

Tools like cashflow modelling are essential here. It allows you to see your life mapped out in front of you and explore different life scenarios, from retiring at different times to fluctuations in earning and spending. Turning uncertainty into clear, shared choices.

At Amber River, we work with couples at every stage of their relationship. Creating a life plan that takes away the need for tricky conversations about money.

It’s about understanding what matters to you, exploring all your options, including those that might feel out of reach today, and taking informed choices that feel right for both of you.

Whether you’re at the start of a shared journey, reassessing plans later in life, or simply looking for reassurance that you’re on the right track, a life plan will help bring clarity and calm to even the most complex situations.

Because when money is understood, it becomes easier to focus on what really matters.